Walking on the Chinese Walls

I really admire those people who can compartmentalize nearly every aspect of their lives.

Separate personal from private, groups of friends, love and loss from their everyday exterior.

I know people who are masters and mistresses of this. Slicing up portions of their lives, erecting Chinese walls around them for protection or just because that’s how they are.

That, I cannot do. I would make a terrible poker player. I wear my feelings on my face and so it seems everywhere else on my body.

I have read many times that people who have weight issues eat to numb pain/emotions/issues. I don’t think I do that people I actually FEEL everything. As i have said recently, I am a crier.

I feel everything said and done to me as well as around me so acutely. From personal slights to even world events.

I know I need to learn to get that in check. In the meantime, anyone know a good builder, I need me some of those Chinese walls.

Girl Meets Wall

Girl Meets Wall

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My Dirty Little Junk Food Secret Addiction

We all have our own little foibles. Our dirty little secrets we keep hidden from friends, lovers, family.

I’m not talking about the “big” stuff like affairs, love children, secret pasts as bank robbers. I mean the other type, the behavioral secrets.

Mine is that I have a closet junk food addiction. This is pretty funny given I am a bit of a food snob as well as a food blogger.

But yes, I sometimes get junk food craving. It’s usually for a burger and maybe fries. Once the idea is planted in my mind, I generally can’t shake it.

The thought becomes like a bad 1980s tune on a loop in my brain that can’t be shut down until I indulge. Think Kajagoogoo. All. The. Time.

And then, when I do…it doesn’t give me satisfaction.

Until (very) recently, to satiate this craving, I would head out in my car, go to a drive through far from anywhere I would be recognized. I’d eat it in my car then dispose of the evidence as fast as possible. Then I would continue to my destination.

I would always feel a dirty and wrong, like a morning after the night before walk of shame. My stomach would always be bloated. And yes, there was always a lingering smell of what I had eaten. That heady mix of sugar, fat and E numbers.

I last did this about a month ago. But that isn’t to say I haven’t had the urge or craving since then.

Since then I have been working on strategies to recognize the trigger (stress, boredom, low blood sugar are coming up as chief offenders) and work on ways to overcome it. Believe me, it isn’t as easy as taking up macrame or looking at cute animals on Buzzfeed.

Guess I have to find another dirty little secret. One without a high fat content.